My daughter attends a private school. I thank the good Lord regularly that we have the means to send her to a private school, because the current and future state of public education both horrifies and infuriates me, but I won't step on that stump today.
Any-whoosers, being at a private school, my daughter is in attendance with children from families that...well....how can I put this politely? They got a hell of a lot more money than we do! Hahaha. While I'm the first to be happy for others doing well, I must admit that it recently caused me to feel more out of place than a sloth in a rabbit race.
One of Emma's classmates was having a birthday party. We get to the house, which is huge, and make our way to the backyard. Mind you, the Mama owns a party business, so it's only fair that this party was gonna be lit, but they had a bounce house, a ball pit, a photographer, and face painting. That's not what got me though.
This is an interruption. Originally this post explained in a (I hope) comical way how we couldn’t get over the fact that live fish were given as party favors. But upon further reflection, I’ve come to realize that I was indeed a fish out of water at this party for more serious reasons, and I latched onto the fish as a deflection.
#1 I’m a helicopter mom. Kids were running all over the place at this party. I mean, c’mon! With a bounce house and a ball pit, tons of room to play, tons of kids, the kids should be running all over the place and playing. But there my husband and I were, following our kid around like a couple of puppy dogs.
#2 My anxiety causes major trouble with being social. If it weren’t my child’s sake, I wouldn’t be there. My anxiety is so bad I don’t even attend birthday parties for the children of my family members. I will NEVER approach someone and strike up a conversation. Will. Not. Happen. So I’m the awkward one that only speaks to my child and my husband the entire time.
#3 This family had a village. Family memebrs of all ages, friends, people sitting in groups and talking. Kids that knew each other and played together. I have NO idea what that is like. My husband and I have been on our own. We haven’t had help. We don’t have people. We don’t have friends. A big part of the problem is my anxiety. It causes me to isolate myself. But also that I don’t have anyone there for me. My mother hasn’t been even a slight part of my life since I was in my early twenties. My dad, though always near-by, has never been there for me. I know there are people that if I were to call, they’d help, but I don’t want to call. I haven’t figured things out by myself my entire life. That’s what I do. Even if it occurred to me to call, I won’t. Whether it’s pride or anxiety or both. I do have one dear friend that reaches out to me. I never take advantage of it, but I KNOW she’s there for me.
So that’s how I was a fish out of water. I couldn’t imagine the life these people lived. Not because of the big house or the pool or fancy party favors. It was because of how many people they wanted to have around and that wanted to be around them. I can’t imagine that.
But I know my children will never have that problem.
Comentarios