From the moment they are born, one of the most important things we have to do as a parent is clean the poop. But it graduates to all the bodily fluids, doesn't it? My brain always tries to make things catchy sounding, and everything I'm coming up with sounds like a bad heavy metal band...
The Poop Purgers
The Snot Suckers
The Vomit Catchers
I, fortunately, don't have any crazy stories about poop, but my life has completely changed regarding poop. I remember when I was in the military, Marines would always announce when they needed to go, as if the world needed to know. It drove me crazy. I would get so annoyed. Like, keep that shit to yourself! (See what I did there?) But now, my daughter always gives me what I call the Poop Scoop: size, shape, color….there is not a turd left unturned. And what once would have pissed me plum off, is now just a normal part of life.
Ya know, I do remember the first time my daughter vomited. She's always been a terrible sleeper, and as I was trying to put her down one night, I was leaning against the headboard with her in my lap and lying face down on my chest. She sat up so that we were face-to-face, and let it rip. When I say a terrible stomach bug ripped through our house over the next 24 hours, I mean to tell you it was AWFUL. And it all started with a large quantity of vomit all over my front. But you know what I thought in that moment, as a mother? Oh good! It's all on me. It's not on the bed!
Will Smith in Men In Black: Solomon, E., Parkes, W. F., McDonald, L., Sonnenfeld, B., Jones, T. L., Smith, W., Fiorentino, L., D'Onofrio, V., Torn, R., Shalhoub, T., Peterman, D., Miller, J., Elfman, D., & Cunningham, L. (2002). Men in black. Deluxe ed. Culver City, Calif., Columbia TriStar Home Video.
Bodily fluids are just normal for us, aren't they? Sucking snot out of my kids nose using the Baby Frida thing always cracks me up. Make sure you have that filter! It does offer a strong level of protection. Ask me how I know. But if you would have told me 5 years ago how normal all of it is, I would have told you you were, A) absolutely out of your mind, B) freaking disgusting. Hahaha.
What's your favorite/worst bodily fluid story? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!
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